I promise that sometimes I am just happy. The kind of happy that starts in the soles of my feet and moves through me with easy ujjayi breaths. The kind that radiates from inside and outside, feeding from and offering nurture to everything I greet. The kind that simply is.
Back to school, however, does not fill me with that sense of happiness. I feel nerves over new schedules, new teachers, new procedures, not to mention actual panic over the medical forms that I submitted to the pediatrician on the day they were due! I feel guilt over whether I’ve done enough and bought enough to prepare my children for the year ahead, the materialism I try to deny inflating and infuriating the ego I try to keep at bay. And, since my mother was a teacher, there is a subtle sweet longing for her that lingers this time of year, a reminder that I still haven’t accepted her loss forever.
Before we wait for the bus next Monday, Finn donning his “sporty and hikey” backpack and Brice proudly toting his beloved big brother’s old pack to preschool, I will work through my complicated emotions, embracing joy, vitality, and light, so that I can be a beacon shining positive energy for my children as they embark on their new journey, finding their way home to me each night. I will welcome all the wonderful things this wonderful year has to offer the entire family - new friends, new learning experiences, new achievements, and deeper connections to this big, beautiful universe.
Finn and Brice: Within you lies everything you need. You are ready, you are set, so enjoy all that lies ahead. Mama’s got nothing but love for you and this exciting new year!